About

I was diagnosed with PCOS back in 1997 when I was a junior in college. It was a scary time and back then, most doctors didn't fully understand what it was or how to treat it. The typical treatment was to prescribe birth control pills and call it day. They told me I would likely never be able to have children and that there was no cure.

Since the internet was a relatively new thing to me at the time, too, there weren't many resources I could turn to, either. I felt totally alone. I also realized very quickly that birth control pills were a huge mistake. I gained a ridiculous amount of weight very quickly and started having horrible headaches that left me with spotted vision. After a particularly terrifying episode and a trip to the ER, I was told to never take bcp again due to risk of stroke, so that was fun. And I was left with basically no viable treatment for my PCOS.

I won't even go into the shaming and judgment from doctors throughout the years. If you have PCOS, you might understand what I'm talking about. Just because someone is a doctor doesn't mean they know everything, and since PCOS is a disease that only effects women, many doctors simply don't stay up-to-date on the research. I have given up on many doctors over the years who didn't even know the basics. It's been frustrating to say the least.

When I started my journey to try to get pregnant several years ago, it was heart breaking and frustrating. I was finally put on a drug called Metformin that left me constantly nauseated and running to the bathroom, no matter what I ate. I hated it! Slowly, my body did get a little more used to it, but several years on that drug left me even more depressed about having PCOS. Thankfully, with the help of a wonderful Reproductive Endocrinologist who actually had a lot of knowledge about PCOS (finally!), I was able to get pregnant and give birth to a wonderful, amazing baby boy.

Still, even during my pregnancy, I had to battle gestational diabetes. My birth story is not a fun one, and I know that GD and PCOS played a major role in that, as well. It seems like every single day in a million, tiny little ways and some huge, life-altering ways, PCOS makes my life more difficult, more frustrating, and sometimes more dangerous.

The truth is that after years of research and reading, I think I understand the best way to control my PCOS. Eating clean and taking the right supplements is the best path, but that eating clean part gets me every time. I was practically force-fed sugar as a child which led to a major addiction to sugar. No doubt this has been a huge reason why my PCOS is so bad! Still, that's the thing about addiction...Even when you know something is bad for you, you can't always control yourself around it. So, despite trying to kick my addiction to sugar and bread and all the things I know are hurting me, I have still struggled. I struggle with my weight, my hirsutism, cysts, bad skin, fatigue, depression and a hundred other things that all stem from a decades-old battle with PCOS.

I'm so over it. I need help. I'm tired of feeling lazy or "bad" because I can't break this addiction to sugar. I'm tired of being fat and struggling with the embarrassing things that come as a result of PCOS. I'm also terrified. I turned 40 this year, and I guess there's just something about hitting that milestone that woke me up to my own mortality. I'm not going to be around forever, but I would like to be around for a long time. And I want that time to be pleasant and fun, not miserable and plagued by disease and pain.

What I've learned about PCOS over the years is that there is no magic pill. Metformin was the closest, but it also left me feeling awful most of the time. And it didn't cure anything. So, no magic pill. If I want to cure my PCOS, I'm going to have to do it the hard way, with permanent changes to my diet. I'm going to have to face my addiction to sugar, once and for all.

And here's what else is confusing about PCOS. It's not just about clean eating. I've tried several "healthy" diet solutions in the past that honestly left me feeling worse than ever. Paleo, for example. OMG. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck and was being dragged behind it for six months. Everyone kept saying the fatigue and yuckiness would go away after a few weeks, but 20+ weeks later, I knew that Paleo was not right for me.

I learned that while Paleo or certain diets might work great and nearly cure some people of their PCOS, we are not all exactly the same. PCOS affects women of all races and ethnicities, and though I'm not exactly sure why something works for one woman and not another, I think the best diet and treatment for a woman with PCOS has to be tailored specifically to that woman. There's no one-size-fits-all solution. Finding a cure for yourself means paying attention to what makes you feel better and what hurts you.

For me, that means plant-based eating. When I've gone into vegetarian mode several times in my life, I've had more energy and felt better overall. When I've managed to cut out dairy, I've felt even better. Following this, I'm going to implement Bright Line Eating with a focus on a plant-based, vegan diet. After trying so many things, I'm hesitant to say with confidence that this will finally be the cure I'm looking for. But I'm hopeful and I'm willing to give it 100%.

I've signed up for the Bright Line Eating Bootcamp, and I'm committing to the next 8 weeks of bright line eating. If you want to know more about what that is, exactly, you can read about it here. Basically, I'm cutting out all sugar and all flour from my diet. This is not going to be easy, but I pray it's going to be worth it.

I started this blog hoping that it will help to keep me accountable. I am also hoping it will serve as a public journal of my journey so that others battling PCOS can see if BLE might be a good solution for them, too. I hope that when I look back on this blog a year from now, I'm smiling. Happy, thin, and free from addiction and PCOS, forever.